July 16, 2018

2016 me would totally kick my butt right now, and she’d be right to

I both love and loathe those Facebook memories… you know the “on this day” thing?

It’s fun to see where I was up to eight years ago but lately what’s been coming up are all the big moves I was making back in 2016 as I was in the middle of my commiccon tour season. Meeting celebs, making connections and painting my brains out.

I was on the fast track to my dream of being a full time, well known artist.

I leased a commercial space and got ready to teach classes and then the hits started coming both from my community and from within. Every painting got more and more difficult to make. I heaped the pressure on myself to get back on track.

And there were moments where I felt it again, like when I did commissions which I love doing. Working with people to help create their vision is completely my thing, I can see that clearly now.

I realize I was pushing too hard, too fast, without pausing to ask if the direction was right for me. If the pace was smart. And I ended up stopping completely earlier this year because I hadn’t stopped since I decided to be an artist. Burned out.

“Push ahead, push ahead and deal with the fall out later” is probably not a great motto.

2016 me was at the start of the journey. Full of optimism and energy, with no idea what she was jumping into. She was just into jumping. I love her so much.

Not sweating the details. Fucking the establishment. Getting shit done. That’s some hardcore stuff right there.

2018 me is all about pacing, defining my why. Carefully choosing a path and oh yes… the details. And while that’s a good thing (huzzah for the big picture!) it’s also not. There’s no energy, no drive, no desire to RUN the race.

I’m inviting 2016 me back into my life. It’ll be an epic battle between caution and carefree. Between get it done BIG and think about it instead. Between LOVING my art, direction and embracing the adrenaline and hoping to get out of this alive.

Come at me, 2016 me! Come kick my ass; it’s time to get this show back on the road.