Some days I just want to say fuck it.
Toss in the towel, pack up my toys and go home.
You see, I’ve run a successful business for 17 years now. Gone from being a freelance programmer to having a company and then having contractors working for me. Grown and grown. It’s had the highs and lows of my career.
It took me four years to build it up and then has run like clockwork since.
I think it took me four years because I never believed in myself. This business ran in spite of me!
But the art business? It’s a frustrating one. Look around, ask any artist and you’ll hear that they have two jobs. Or they’re supported by a spouse or family member.
And yet, artists, the ones who have the calling, persist.
I realise this makes it look like I don’t have the calling, but it’s exactly the opposite. I sit here in my studio/gallery and am on the cusp of everything I’ve been working towards.
What I’m doing right now is closing out 2016.
We all know 2016 as the year that killed the best people. It feels like we need to hug our favourites even tighter.
On Facebook, when I see a photo, I have to double check and make sure it’s not attached to an obituary.
But to close out 2016, we also have to look at the good stuff too. And it doesn’t take long to see it.
So I’m sitting here, going through what, in retrospect, was an amazing year. A year of accomplishments.
Yes, I still have to support my art by working in two businesses. And that, as an experienced entrepreneur, makes me cringe a little. A lot. But holy cow. The rest? So much win.
I follow a select few female entrepreneurs online. They all talk about closing out the year with a ritual. What I’m going to do is sit down and write out all the things I did. Achievements unlocked. Personal victories. Situations I dealt with really well. And so on.
And I’m going to thank 2016 for the good, the great and the terrible.
It was a year that I really lived, forged through experiences, and I’m grateful for them all.
I think it’s easy to forget the big stuff. The things I’d never have imagined a year ago. And so it’s important to close out the year.
If I hadn’t paused to do just that, the “fuck it” I was feeling might have stuck.
Now I can say, I’m proud. I stepped up and out. I did the things. I did some well. I did some poorly. But I did the things.
Thank you 2016. I am grateful for it all.