I am so tired right now. So tired.
I tend to go through life fighting. Fighting procrastination. Fighting exhaustion. Fighting to earn an income. Fighting with projects to get them done.
When I went to Spain I was still fighting.
It feels like a lot of things I’ve done recently are reckless. Shutting down a profitable business. Painting and writing full time. Putting my art on an international stage.
Leaping out of my old life with only hope and faith for a parachute.
Since I’ve returned I’m learning to yield instead of fight.
But today (yesterday for you) everything has been a fight. I have not painted anywhere near the amount of paintings I wanted to do for the Supernatural convention. Everything is pulling my attention away, big things unfortunately, and I’m finding myself stressed instead of excited about the upcoming show.
When stuff gets hard, like it feels now, I have the very strong urge to go outside, lie on the grass and stare at the sky. Doing nothing but feeling the rotation of the earth beneath me.
Just step off the madness train and let everything go.
Because, at the moment, the more I fight the more stressed I’m getting. Since I can’t change what’s going on around me, I’m going to change how I think about it.
These obstacles are lessons to be learned.
These things coming up now are paving the way for something better coming soon.
If I stop seeing them as being in my way, everything comes easier. And when all else fails… deep breaths. Deep breaths.
In 100 years, hell in 5 years, none of this is going to matter anyway.