2017 as a year full of things for me. FULL.
And this is not a bad thing at all. I made bold moves. I made friends. I made enemies. I changed direction.
But the one thing that eluded me was why I suddenly couldn’t paint. This was something I struggled with for months and it was a tough one.
Me, the person who could produce 350 paintings in a year, suddenly couldn’t put brush to canvas.
So many people suggested things like I was putting too much pressure on my art to perform. That I was burned out. I even told myself (and everyone) that pop culture wasn’t it for me. I wondered if I was done painting altogether.
Lots of ideas. None of them were right.
There was one thing that didn’t come up until recently. The one thing that was correct: painting was an out for me.
Dealing with an incredibly stressful job/business 5+ days a week, painting was my expression. It was a stress release. It was my safety valve and my escape.
When I shut my tech company down, the stress worked its way out of me. Over time. Naturally. And as it ebbed, so did my ability to paint.
This loss should have been no surprise.
I was painting because I NEEDED to paint. For my sanity.
But now that I recognize what was powering my painting frenzy, it makes so much sense that it ended when it did. There was no frantic, frustrated energy for it at all. Just a sense that I should.
Should paint because that’s what I’ve always done.
But behind that frantic energy, there was still a need. Not in the same sense… NEED… but need. That artistic part of me that had something to say.
And so, now, if you follow me on social media, you’ll have noticed the sudden burst of art. Driven not by frustration and fractiousness, but by love. The love of creating art. Of telling a story.
Because in the end, underneath it all, I am an artist and creator. I do have the drive to paint. But now I choose to power it with something else. Something less negative.
And it feels good.
2018 is going to be the best year yet. Get ready.
(And if you’re struggling with writer’s block, painter’s block or whatever, it’s time to take a different look at what’s behind it. It might be surprising.)
(Also… baby, I’m baaaaaack! Yasssssssss)