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I Put The aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! In Awkward

I’ve been making videos starring me lately.

I shared my first, most awkward one already.

That one took me a few hours to record and edit.

Nothing is harder than talking to an empty room with no script and feeling very self-conscious. And by very, I mean COMPLETELY.

You see, I’ve been separating the artist from the art. Keeping myself in the background because I want my art to stand up and speak for itself.

But that’s completely unfair to my art.

There’s a story I read recently about a piece of art that consisted of two clocks side by side on a blue wall. If you were to just come upon the piece, it would seem meaningless.

Two clocks? Any idiot could do that.

Bah.

The story behind the clocks pulls the piece together and it becomes a tragic story. One that I have never forgotten.

“Two clocks are placed side by side; one will inevitably stop before the other. The date of this work corresponds to the time during which Félix González-Torres’s partner, Ross Laycock, was ill, and it embodies the tension that comes from two people living side-by-side as life moves forward to its ultimate destination.” https://www.dma.org/collection/artwork/f-lix-gonz-lez-torres/untitled-perfect-lovers

My friend and colleague, Robbie Kaye, did the same thing recently. She posted a nice painting. One in her own unique style. I liked it well enough. Her work is very unique and I love where she takes her art.

But then I read the story behind the piece and I went from like to love. It was her story of 9/11 and told not to sell the piece but to share what she went through. You can read more about it here https://www.robbiekaye.com/standing-still/

The stories matter. They make all the difference in how art is perceived and whether someone takes a second look.

I’ve been letting my art down completely not talking about why I picked a scene or emotion to paint. And there are a lot of reasons behind my choices.

And not just Sam did this or Luke was there.

Loss. Love. Joy. Terror. Hopelessness. Triumph.

These are the things I paint and I choose to do so through fandoms because this is where I go to process my feelings.

Yes, I am that person who watches and listens to the things that reflect back my emotions.

Can I be sadder? Yes, find the most traumatic thing possible on tv and watch the hell out of it.

So while my go to method of communicating is the written word, I’m putting the artist in front of the camera.

Sharing my art stories. Being myself. And putting the aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! in awkward.