I’m not talking about the usual kind of waiting like in lines or in traffic. Though London seems determined to have construction on every major road this summer so I’m getting really good at waiting in traffic.

No.

I’m talking about those times that happen every day in between me doing stuff.

At night when I feel like I’m too tired to produce work, but it’s too early to sleep, so I watch tv or play video games with my kids. I’m waiting for the morning.

On the weekends when I’m doing laundry or chasing kids or, let’s face it, watching tv. I’m waiting for Monday.

Or when I’m playing any game on my phone, I’m waiting for the motivation to continue.

I’m not a person into power down times or whatever, but I realize that how I spend the time I’m not creating or working is incredibly passive and not helpful in the least.

And I was never one to spend so much time watching tv or playing video games. Not. At. All. When I wasn’t working at my day job, or chasing kids or coaching soccer in the summers, I was painting. I’d watch enough tv to get inspiration for my next paintings but the watching had a purpose.

I realise what’s happened is I’ve stepped off my path. I had goals, so many of which I’ve accomplished, but not all. And I had an end game, which I haven’t reached yet.

I had dreams so fucking big they made me quake with the idea that I could ever dare to dream them about me.

I wrote them down but I lost them somewhere along the way. And while I’ve said them out loud the odd time, it’s not the same thing.

See, one of the things that’s so important to do is to write down your goals or dreams. Write, not just say. When you write them down, you get them out of your head. They can’t swirl in circles or be forgotten if they’re on paper.

And once you write them down, you can work backwards to see what steps you need to take to reach them.

And when you have steps, you don’t spend so much time waiting around for no good reason.

There is no way I am going to achieve my big hairy, scary goals if I continue on as I am right now. I’ve fallen into the “some day” trap. I’ve started falling asleep in my life again.

Oh my god, what if I wake up and I’m 80 and I haven’t done anything that I’ve wanted to do? What if I’ve forgotten to honour my very existence by not grabbing hard to my life and really living it?

What if I look around and think I am that person with goals but I’ll write them out tomorrow?

No. I’m going to write them out right now. I’m done waiting.

Categories: Art