This is the night before I take a year’s worth of Supernatural original art and head to Toronto.
I’m excited. I’m nervous. I can’t wait. Occasionally I get paralysed by anxiety. I’m a hot mess.
And you know why? Because, by all means, I shouldn’t be a hot mess before a show any more. Really! I’ve done so many cons and gallery shows in the past 15 months that this stuff is old hat. But I feel the same way I felt before my very first con and the reason is: this one matters.
It fucking matters.
I’ve always painted. I’ve gone to school for painting. It’s something I would even term my calling. But I’ve always taken the safe road in life. The jobs that paid faster and had more room for growth. Like programmer. Graphic designer. Creative director.
Supernatural changed me in completely unexpected ways.
I’ve heard it does that to people.
I was maybe eight episodes into season 1 and something snapped in me. No more safe road. Those guys never ran from danger. No more being timid. Those guys certainly weren’t. My choices weren’t life and death, there was no reason to hide. And so on.
It was almost in an instant.
I watched all ten seasons in 8 weeks. That’s a LOT of episodes. Midway through season 2, I knew this show was powerful. I could feel it working in me. I was already different.
This time last year, I had just found out about the cons. I desperately wanted to go. I promised myself I would make it happen in a way that was meaningful for me.
I’m going! And I’m going with my celebration of the show, the boys, the stories, interpreted through my art. As a vendor.
So yeah, this con is different. And important. And maybe it’s ok that I’m a hot mess.