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When your subconscious sends a message in bright flashing lights, it’s time to pay attention

I’ve been playing  a lot of pool lately. Well, actually snooker. It’s a game I picked up in Spain and turned out to be good at.

Not beginner’s luck, but an unexpected talent.

And I’m playing it because I bought a used table off somebody on FB. I figured it would be a good way to pass time through the winter. The long, snowy, cold Canadian winter.

You probably noticed my lack of emails this week. I missed two days!

I can’t blame pool for that though. It’s because I’ve become stuck.

Stuck in a cycle of not painting, and when I force it, not finding joy in painting.

Stuck avoiding things I need to do to move forward.

Stuck in a cycle of wanting the people around me to be pleased with me, but feeling like I forgot me in the process.

People pleasing is something I struggle with. I know I’m not alone in this.

But with all the soul searching I’ve been doing, alone and with my close group of friends, I realized that me being stuck is my subconscious basically screaming at me.

Clearly I didn’t listen to the whispers. The hints. The nudges.

I needed a fucking light up billboard with PAY ATTENTION! flashing on it.

And I’ve let a few people down because I’ve decided to do just that: pay attention.

I’m choosing myself first.

Staying the course isn’t working. Pushing through isn’t working. Pretending everything is awesome isn’t working.

So I’m going to pause. I’m going to give myself permission to play a shit ton of pool. I’m going to go for walks. Change up my routine. Do something fun every day. And I’m going to say no to everything while I figure out what my subconscious is trying to say.

Anyone up for beer and a game of pool?