I’ve been living in a paradox of sorts for quite some time. Wanting a different, more meaningful and impactful life but my actions landed me in the house and picket fence with 3.5 kids life.

Dreams and actions completely at odds.

And I find myself, at 46, in motion to fix that and still struggling with the programming in my head. It feels WRONG to choose a different life. My lizard brain has been screaming madly this week as my house gets ready to be listed.

I didn’t realize how much I’d absorbed of what’s right and expected of me in my stage of life. Every tattoo I got was an act of defiance. Shaving my head and choosing to wear nerd shirts, my personal rebellion.

But I can see that they were tiny and maybe even meaningless. Surface level only. Underneath, I owned being a middle aged mom and well before I hit middle age.

No wonder the big stuff feels hard to do.

My friend Martin is all about calibrating reality. That our lives can change dramatically when we change how we perceive things.

He’s absolutely right about this.

I experienced that shift when I went to Europe and saw another way to live. It allowed me to look at my expectations and life differently. That maybe the path laid out before me was optional and not set in stone.

That maybe that path felt right because it was known. I’d seen my parents and grandparents all walk it before me.

If I choose to continue on it, I will never have the life I want.

Living deliberately means being aware of choices and making sure that the things I choose align with where I want to be. WHO I want to be.

Choosing to live on my own is only the first step. A big one but definitely only a foundation to build upon.

I get to choose what kind of home life I’ll create for my kids. I get to choose what I do to earn a living. I get to choose how often I travel and where I go. I get to choose how open my mind is to new experiences.

Oh hell, I get to choose so many things. We live in the best time in human history. Right now.

And yes, there are problems. There will always be problems.

But I am nobody’s chattel. There are no gatekeepers standing between me and my goals. I can safely ignore societal pressure to follow the norm.

I choose.

Categories: Art